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Here's a part you didn't know. When i realizedwho i really was, i put myself into a kind of self-hypnosis. i told myselfwho i knew i was, and what i was to do about it. That's one time that iwish i never did. Maybe i am like i am because of it, maybe its been thething that's brought my identity out time after time. But what's done is done,and i can only be what i am. Once again, remember that statement. i thinkthat's why its hard to see myself as female sometimes. But there's my father,whom i think you blame."Suddenly, all the glaring red fault lights in my head went out, replacedwith the bright green 'All Systems Go' Lights. The last panel faultedout entirely and shut down."My father. Remember the first night, with the note? Remember he tookme down to the coffee shop and we sat in his car talking? He never toldme i would make an ugly girl. He only asked why i felt that way. i couldn't tell him then, but i can tell him now, and it hurts to thinki will have to tell him again. He only. He gave me a lecture on Mel's penal history and scholastic achievements; the former took four foolscap pages of closely spaced typeface the latter a short note on a fifth page. He told me that I was making a rod for my own back and if there was any way out of this relationship I should take it screaming for joy - she was on the cusp of being expelled and even the school councillor almost ran screaming at the sight of Mel. Okay he exaggerated about the screaming, but you can get the picture. On the other hand he wouldn't know my daughter from any of the other eight thousand pupils in the school and had to look up her file to comment on her progress. No tall poppy was my girl just a blessing for her father.The phone call? Oh, yes the phone call! During the first two months of this guardianship the office rang me no less than once a day. If I negotiated through the problem in the morning often there was another phone call early in the afternoon. The average was about eight a week as I.
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