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Still, even as I stand here, I imagine he is with me. He never truly left me, right? But, all I can hear are the tears of the gray sky behind me. Are they his tears?! He misses me too. I know it. I finally shut the door. I slip off my shoes on to the rug and begin the climb up the stairs. The king sized bed is made perfectly on his side. Not another man shall ever share it with me. I promise this. I strip down to nothing but my bra and panties. I reach for the nightgown that he had bought me. I plan to make dinner. But all I can do is hold the gown against my barely beating heart. It should cease. I love him. I am nothing without him. Nothing. I stand here for a moment. I shall skip dinner. All I want is a drink: Something, anything to numb the pain. I walk down the stairs with a death grip on the gown and into the kitchen. Slowly, I open the refrigerator. The cool air feels so welcoming. I look around and fumble through the bottles: Whisky, Vodka, Bailey’s Irish Cream, and Wine.. One of my most frequent sexual fantasies; and the one which I have enjoyed the most when masturbating has always been imagining myself having sex with a kid much younger than me, with a hot and horny teenager who could cool down the fire of my body at anytime, an energetic kid who could get a hold of me so much that he would make me over-strain of pleasure, but at the same time I’ve always liked the shy and reserved guys, those who you look in the eyes and you couldn’t even tell they were incredible studs when it came to sex. What I’ve also liked when I masturbated, besides being held by a young teenager, was to think that thanks to my feminine gifts, to be capable of attracting one of these shy and quiet kids, then they would change into the the powerful stallion who could make my most desired pleasures. Those were masturbatory sessions since I turned 40 and after my divorce.Which is why, and because I live alone with my son, that in order to widely pleasure myself I had to way to.
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