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I really came close to nipping it in butt before it even started.this was my first time and i really didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I seen on porn tapes before but never actually done it.I sat there thinking about lot thing .I would be any good .would she let me eat her out or would get all work up and blow my load before she even got my dick in her mouth or what If I really sucked at making love she would hate me and surely regret ever doing me in first place. Looking down at the condom in my hand.How hell do you put one these damn thing on. Was there wrong and right to put one .God For cry out loud here people I fucking Virgin after all I never had used a condom before other than fucking lose them the last time l handle them one of them. To be honest I was scared shitless . Trying not show it to her was going harder thing I ever did. I want the first time be special and here I am about to lose my virginity on dare. How fucking low can you go. It like your so God damn. He cannot help himself. Once upon a time I was enough for him but that’s when we were in the first throws of romance and way before Katie was born. Life ‘happened’ he took out business loan after business loan and we nearly lost everything when his business collapsed. If it wasn’t for my parents we would have been screwed. I lost respect for him and he lost interest in me. He became addicted to sex and got drunk every evening while I picked up the pieces and rebuilt everything he so carelessly almost lost us. The last thing I want is a divorce, my parents split when I was Katy’s age and i don’t want that for my daughter so dammit I will put up with his shit and try to make the best of it. It’s the fact he thinks I don’t know what he’s up to on his little ‘business trip’ that pisses me off the most. I’ve seen what he’s said about me. That I’m money grabbing. The audacity! I work night and day to provide a good life for my daughter while he can barely get any work these days because.
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