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I could see he was stalling for time while he searched his memory."Colonel? Is that you? Colonel Valmaat? From the flight school?" he asked"Yah, who is that?" I asked."Se olen minä! Luutnantti Tuobro." (It's me! Lieutenant Tuobro.") He stamped on the deck and half the crew came running.There was a lot of talk and finger pointing; men were shaking their heads No and nodding Yes and money was put into the hands of a big wiper engineer."You follow me, Colonel. You can dock inside of the Buttercup. There aren't any places for pleasure craft in New Orleans ... riverside land is too expensive for rich people. We park SHIPS and not little dinghies." I'm not keeping you from your work?" I said."Naw, done for the day and heading in when you rammed us." He burst out laughing.Following, we soon found a riverside Tee-wharf ... there were three tugs tied up to the river side of the wharf. Inboard, on the down riverside, there was a wreck of a tugboat ... down by the stern. I knew it was so much. This would've been really easy if this were a fiction story, I'd go to a doctor and get him to say I had a urinary tract infection or some such shit. But in the real world Doctors are not that fucking nice.Then I had the answer, there were two unimpeachable sources of information that Elaine would never doubt. One was Oprah; the other was that fucking Brides Forum website she was always going on every fucking day. She consulted that thing about our wedding and our plans more than she did me. I'd often told her, that maybe she should marry that website.I logged on to it and was nauseated by the amount of pure boondoggle there was. It was a bunch of old wives tales all wrapped up and modernized for the internet generation. There were also articles by pseudo experts on every aspect married life.I picked up my laptop and wrote an article on pre-marital sex. In the article I talked about how couples in the modern era weren't enjoying their honeymoons as much because there was no mystery.
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