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How long will he be here, I said. Two or three months he said. give it a try, so I agreed. That weekend Viv moved in, things went well he was helpful & quite funny. I felt a bit awkward at first because I always wore a short smock dress & when I was playing with James on the floor I showed a lot of leg & maybe knickers, but Viv joined in helping to play games with James & started getting on the floor to help. Well everything went well, then when John was on his week of nights something happened. It was Monday night John went to work on his motorbike leaving Viv & me watching tv. Well we sat there chatting, I could feel the baby moving & it was kicking. Ouch! I said. Are you alright Viv asked. I held my belly saying that he was kicking me, Viv said he had never felt a baby moving inside of someone's belly. I didn't hesitate & told him to put his hand here, he moved closer putting his hand on top of my dress to feel, wow that's feels strange. He then said it must feel different to have. “Don’t be. I promise I’m not like him. I’ll never be like him.”There was now only one thing stopping us, stopping me, from taking this from this dusky, wet cliff top back to the hotel room up the street; my psychotic ex boyfriend. The guy who had scarred my so badly eight years ago, it had taken until tonight to even let Jamie hold me close, to finally let his gentle touch caress my arms down to my palms, to let him entwine his fingers round mine. “It will be fine. I promise.”Dropping his hand I begin to pace, back and forth in front of the beautiful sun setting behind us, over the whale bone arch we’d spend the last few moments cuddling under. My eyes not daring to look at him, not wanting to see the hurt look in his eyes. “My heart says I love you. My body says I want to feel you inside me. My brain says you’re going to hurt me. I don’t know if I can let you do that.”Knowing I wouldn’t panic like I used he grabbed out for my hand, stopping me mid pace. I looked up into his eyes.
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