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But once the school year starts in a few days, I probably won't see him again for months. He keeps three teaching jobs to afford that house in Kew Gardens." Okay," I said.She glanced at me, frowning. "Is that all right?" Yes, ma'am," I lied. Then I clamped my mouth and my brain shut about the matter.I sat at the dining table waiting for her. I'd said "Yes ma'am," "Yes, ma'am," as if I were talking to my put-upon mother in Memphis, or an aunt. The patterns were becoming clearer in my mind. As Martha sat across from me and ate her salad I found myself staring at her, at Martha, at mother, father, teacher, staring less as Steven but more as Speedy the dependent, obedient boy. At Martha, the anima, at Carl Jung's Terrible Mother; at her devastating erotic power. At... She said, "Why are you staring at me like that?"I blinked. "Sorry." You have such a look on your face." She chewed and then wiped her lips. "So what kept you busy today? Bookstores?" Yeah. Down in the Village." Really?. In my time off I'd wander round town, go to the cinema or walk thepromenade. My intention was that this would be just for a few weeks, butit was the second month when it all got serious. One of the regulars, anice guy in his early twenties, asked me out.I was so used to dressing as a girl, but thinking of myself as me, thatI'd not realised that this might happen. Was I really attractive enoughfor a real guy to ask me out? I was terrified by the question and, Iconfess, kind of flattered. I just said that I'd think about it to buytime.That simply encouraged him because he asked me every day after that,usually making a joke about it. Then, one Thursday, he showed me twotickets to see a show at the local theatre. I don't quite know what I wasthinking when I said yes.It was two days time and I had to decide what to wear and wondered whatthe hell I had let myself in for. On Saturday morning I found myselfshopping, like a real girl, looking for an outfit that he would like. Iwas still.
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