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My hate was keeping me connected to him I guess. If I am brutally honest, it was a way to keep myself from going through the pain of finally letting go. I see that now. My tears over him turn to tears over myself. The picture that had taken up a permanent residence in my head fades. His cock fucking her blurs. Her squeals silence. All I see now is a picture of myself driving by his house looking for her car, checking his Instagram a million times, stalking her Facebook for any signs of them together. I finally only see myself and all the time I have wasted and I am embarrassed. My next move is I get in my car and just start driving ... to nowhere in particular. I jam my playlist and drive and drive and drive. My mind seems to clear with each passing mile. Somehow, by muscle memory I guess, I find myself in our driveway ... I mean his driveway. I will my body to leave the car and walk up the steps to the front door. I must have knocked on the door, but the next memory I have is him. She put a smile on her pretty face though and crossed her arms over breasts, a little defensively maybe, but that was okay. Lisa was seeing Steve for the first time and I knew some girls were intimidated by his good looks, but I never understood why."Steve, this is Lisa, she's the assistant coach," I smiled as his eyes widened a little and I looked to Lisa. "This is my oldest brother, Steve." How do you do?" Lisa offered her hand and Steve took it gently. She was smiling nervously and gave my brother a look, just a quick one, like most girls do when they first see him. Not appraising him so much as just wanting to see if he was looking at her with any kind of interest, because if he was..."I'm great. It's nice to meet you, Lisa," Steve told her and I could tell he thought it was very nice indeed.It had cooled off in the last hour and Lisa had to be feeling the chill, considering all she was wearing was her leotard and shorts. I could see little goose bumps on her arms and shoulders,.
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