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I was a drama queen. I did have very traditional ideas about how a man should treat his wife in bed and they did conflict with equal rights for women. Yes, that is a double standard, and I knew before I married him that he had a serious bug up his butt about double standards. I did want to hang onto the "women's prerogatives" that drove him away. I needed that attention and the reassurance that he loved me and I thought that, as a woman, I automatically deserved it. He made it clear that I hadn't been earning it and that he would be content to let the house of cards that we called a marriage remain collapsed. It was a sad realization and I tried hard to find a way to blame him for it, but I could imagine each objection he would raise to any point I tried to make and I knew that they were inescapably damning.Finally I thought about what I had learned about myself that night and whether it offered a way to reverse the trend toward divorce. I found a glimmer of hope in my sexual. Red, white, and blue. Very patriotic.Where had all that come from? Vestiges of Me’s Americanization of Judy campaign, of course. I had to admit I’d looked good, but the teasing I’d gotten! The fights.But I’d finally found a good reason to appreciate my mom’s efforts, misguided or not.And out of the back of my closet, shiny black Mary Janes, of all things. Tight, but they still demanded white socks for sex appeal. I’d have to ditch all that for my sneakers at the first opportunity or I’d be crippled. Was this what foot binding did to Chinese girls in the olden days? Ouch!The mirror again. On the surface I was the virginal school-girl the CLODs probably dreamed of for their own children. Underneath I was a hot piece of ass ready for action, everything the CLODs opposed and the inevitable outcome of puberty.My Program whistle on its lanyard was out of sight under my blouse, between my boobs. After Haddy’s experience and my nightmare I wasn’t about to forget that.Thinking scholarly, I.
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