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Amil (that was his name) had confessed to him that he had always felt hewas a woman, and hoped that a miracle could happen that would make him oneday wake up with breasts, a vagina and feminine curves. At his words,Mustapha had felt a surge of love for Amil, but the social and politicalsituation in Iraq at the time was not ideal for gay and trans folk. So hehad decided to move abroad, to a country where he could live his sexualitymore freely. But somehow, he would always keep a tender memory of hisfirst chubby and their night of passion.In the two months after I got my transition clitoris, Mustapha played hisrole as my master with great conviction, but also with a lot of tendernessand affection. His power was not to be questioned. I had to submit, serveand obey. As a woman, I had felt a strong drive and obligation tosurrender to this force. Mustapha was the one and only focus of myattention. He was the centre of my life as a woman. Every morning, I wouldwake up first, go to the. In this way they command even going to the land, which is a thing none of us may command, not in that way. Is there not good in that?”Kitik thinks long on what I say. When he speaks at last it is to ask me do I think he is right not to learn human talk and human way.“You say it is shadow,” I tell him. “You are right. It is not for us. But all shadow is not bad. I think there is good in shadow as well as bad. There is good in these humans’ shadow. Not all is good, perhaps much is bad, I do not learn enough that I may say and I am not sure I can ever learn so much. But I will not say their way is a bad way, only that it is not our way. And I do not know why it is that you should learn a way that is not our way if you do not wish. I learn because I wish it. But I cannot say you are wrong not to wish it.”He thinks on what I say before he speaks again. “It is right that we leave,” he says at last. “As you say, it is not our way. But none ever cares for me as Jason has, not even Mother in.
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