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”There was a young lady of RhyllIn an omnibus was taken ill,So she called the conductor,Who got in and fucked her,Which did more good than a pill.There was a young German named RingerWho was screwing an opera singer.Said he with a grin,“Well, I’ve sure got it in!”Said she, “You mean that ain’t your finger?”A young violinist from RioWas seducing a lady named Cleo.As she took down her pantiesShe said, “No andantes;I want this allegro con brio!”A young Juliet of St. LouisOn a balcony stood acting screwy.Her Romeo climbed,But he wasn’t well timed,And half way up, off he went blooey!Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,When his prick wouldn’t rise for a lay,“You must sieze it, and squeeze it,And tease it, and please it,For Rome wasn’t built in a day.”There was a young man from SiamWho said, “I go in with a wham,But I soon lose my starchLike the mad month of March,And the lion comes out like a lamb.”Prince Absalom lay with his sisterAnd bundled and nibbled and kissed her,But the kid was so. The lengthiest document was the complete and entirely factual report on the incident by the local Silver Avenue evening watchman Wergan. His report made particular note of my interest in this incident and he commented upon my apparent obvious shock and uncharacteristic dismay at her death. Why did everyone seem to believe that I was a soulless reptile with no more human decency than a common swamp thrasher? On second thought, the question wasn’t worth asking… I might get more answers that I wouldn’t like. Sure I don’t like people. Most people, nearly all people in fact, and I enjoy cheating, robbing them and corrupting women into mindless and obedient pets without hesitation or regret. I admit it, but I didn’t realize that I wore this attitude of genuine disdain like a public mask upon my face for everyone to see. Sure, I’m an asshole and mostly unapologetic about it. I’m rich and getting richer almost every day and I’ll find some way to enjoy it all – every ha’penny and clipped.
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