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I really miss mom, as do Caroline and Lawrence. Neither she nor daddy bear any moral responsibility for that arrow that took her life. But, just like the settlers at Zeboim, she had been warned by the Brothers, daddy’s “guardian angels,” but chose to ignore reason.Sometimes I just get so mad. Harriet, our mother, didn’t listen to those who knew this country far better than we did. She was used to being in charge. The Brothers were unarmed, they wouldn’t fight, and it was pointless for two adults to take on a whole war party. They told us to leave everything behind, and just get ourselves into the wagon. She brought three chests out; getting them slowed us down. Putting them on the wagon slowed us down; the weight slowed us down.Fanny, I am Fanny, would not be here in this angry, confused and guilty state of mind if mom had just listened to reason. I miss her, and I feel guilty for being mad at her for getting herself killed. We had a rifle and two pistols, the brothers were unarmed.. She asked if I'd seen any girls I liked and I said a few (I mean I was 17, anything with a pulse I was interested in). I asked her the same question and she replied, "Not really." My heart sank at this news. I said, "So no one caught your eye?" She asked why I continued to ask. I replied and still can't believe I said it but said, "I thought you stared at me strangely when you walked in." She said, "I did. You looked handsome and it was the first time I had thought of you as a grown man." I said that I thought she looked great that night and that I had thought what it would have been like to kiss her.She sat back a bit taken aback at my honesty and said, "Well if you had tried to kiss me out of sight of the others I wouldn't have pushed you away." "So you would have kissed me then?" My youthfulness was now taking over. She replied again, "Yes." I said, "Would that only have been because you had a couple of drinks?" She said, "No, I would kiss you sober."Next came a moment of.
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