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While notnecessarily conscience of my desires, I had a secret driving me. One that Ifought from time-to-time but one I wanted to experience. Cynthia wanted both Silva and I to call her Cyn. She said it made her feelcloser to people and more relaxes. She shared that she had been raised in astrict house and later married a minister. He had expected her to do all ofthe "minister's wife things". After her last child reached age 18 she had hadenough. "Bullshit---I was living a life of bullshit. No more." She got a divorce,purchased a small house in Buckhead, one of Atlanta's trendy and expensiveneighborhoods, and started to explore her passions. Cyn shared how she had searched for true liberation of her mind, body, andspirit. She found a group called PEP (People Exchanging Power) and startedto attend their meetings and scenes. As she described some of her experiencesI noticed that Silva seemed to be getting excited. She had apparently onlyheard rumors of such activities. She became. But without a conscious decision I lived very Spartan. Got up early, did my exercises in the gym religiously, swam long lengths in the bay, said hello to the creatures and spent untold hours just staring into space. My philosopher friends let me down badly. No help forthcoming, which is not at all surprising since Nietzsche was singularly inept at handling women or any practical problems and none of the other great thinkers were shining examples in setting up inter-gender relations. They were just as miserable about it as I was.After spending many a bleak, boringly sunny day I got into such a foul mood that I played God once more. I created booming thunderstorms, let rain lash the landscape, dabbled in hail, made storms howl around my lofty abode and felt curiously calmed by the huge mess I created. Even the roof of the ablution facilities was ripped to shreds. Good, I could do with some manual labour.But I also needed to check over Elise's log. I could not put that dreaded task off.
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