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I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry for the future that holds no joy for me. I cry and I wonder how I can go on feeling this way, lost and alone. I cry, with the knowing that I am lost, confused and alone. Each day I cry. Each day I worry. I worry that I can and will not make it. That I will attempt something irrational. That I will give in and surrender to my sorrow, my pain, my sadness. To take the cowards way out, the easy way out, the wrong way out. To write off a world that can be a beautiful place to be. So I worry and hope it never comes to this. I do not wish to contemplate otherwise. The alternative is not pleasant. The alternative is to not go on at all. Each day I worry. Each day I do it. I do it again and over again. I have to. I try to escape the pain I feel. Try to escape the heaviness, which seems to be crushing in on me. Try to keep on living. But over the past couple years, this has changed somewhat.There’s a secretary at work, I’ll call “M”. She’s about ten years younger than me. She’s married, has grown k**s, and is adorable because she is so petite. She’s blond, about 5’00” tall and weighs maybe 100 lbs. She has perky breasts, kind of narrow hips, and her mom belly is very small. She’s the type who’s always smiling, keeps busy, and walks quickly on her short thin legs. I watch her walk and me cock gets hard. I see her bend over at a filing cabinet and I get hard. I think about her on the way home from work and I get hard. I fantasize about have sex with her; I make a list all the things I want to do with her (facial, anal, vaginal, titty fuck, watch her masturbate, have her watch me masturbate, etc) and assign a point value of 1-10 on how much I want to do it. I then total up the points and compare the point total to other women that I masturbate to and she comes out on top.This leads me to the reason I’ve.
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