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I would look over my shoulder and they would focus back on their paper and giggle. This made me so paranoid. I was embarrassed which made me quickly finish the test. Once I was done, I turned in the test and headed out the door before anyone else saw me. Once I made it through the door, I stood in the hallway and leaned against the wall. My heart was racing and I was thinking the worst. What did they see? Did they see the waistband of the panties above my sweats? Were there panty lines? The girls were going to tell EVERYONE and I would be the laughing stock of the WHOLE school. I relaxed a bit and when I turned to leave, Kelly was standing there. This is not a surprise since we have our next class together and she sometimes comes to “pick me up” so we walk together. She asked me what the matter was and I told her, “I feel really self-conscious about wearing panties and your sweatpants. Do they look girly on me?” She replied, “No, not really. They just look a little tight across your. As my grandfather would say, I was an oops baby. But the cool thing about being that oops baby was that I had my father all to myself. Growing up, as fucked up as I thought I was, it helped to have that one-on-one time with him.For the longest time, my parents always blamed themselves for all of my so-called deformities. My mothers' doctor had warned her that because she was older, she was 40 when I was born, she and I were at a higher risk for complications. Of course, they don't believe in abortion, so because they had allowed themselves to go through with the pregnancy, they felt that that’s why I had all these issues that I had. Growing up, I would hear my parents and grandparents often call my physical issues deformities. I heard that, and I bought into it, thinking that I was deformed.Of course, I wasn’t and years of therapy for myself and my parents finally helped get us through those early and ugly teen years. Through those rough years, my sanctuary growing up wasn’t the.
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