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Never before had I experienced this level of control, nor thought I was so capable of surrendering my own normal need for control and yet here I was literally totally submissive and awaiting her command. It was obvious Denise had read my mind. ‘You want to suck him don’t you’. I hesitated, not wanting to give her the satisfaction. ‘I asked you a question’! she snapped. ‘Yes, yes I do’ I replied almost choking on my words. ‘What do you say’? I knew what she wanted. ‘Please’. ‘Pardon, I didn’t hear you’? I took a deep breath, ‘please’ I said almost begging. She didn’t answer but pushed me forward by my hair, gripping it tightly she thrust my head down and told me to lick it. To be honest I was shocked. Shocked that once again, her confident, assertivene and dominating and aggressive manner had reduced me to a totally submissive, quivering jelly. I had never experienced anything like it, the gear, the collar, the whole thing was so totally different it unnerved me and excited me in. It. Up,' Tracey says unenthusiastically, trying to make Fionn feel better, as a good friend should, putting him in the lime-light. She cares about Fionn a lot, he's fierce, theatrical and over-the-top, she cannot rely on him all the time, but he's straight with her (no pun intended).She gets home about 8pm, after too many cocktails, and thinks about making dinner, but resorts to eating a packet of Jaffa Cakes, followed by an evening-in of self-pitying television watching. What a fucking disaster of a life. The only way she can escape the daily humdrum of life is in her dream-scapes. She almost can't bear to be alive some days. Her life is full of false things: false relationships with friends to mutually feign interest in eachother's well-being, a shitty job with no prospects, a complicated family life, and a tumultuous romantic life. Fuck it. She books a flight to Spain, wherever, just not Ireland. She goes through airport security and contemplates taking all her clothes off to be.
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