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But this time I told him to go up further , and as his fingers touched my thighs my heart beat increased , my mouth went dry and I felt sexual tension building.What am I doing I thought, this would lead to …. My God no sex with this ugly, black man no way, I shivered with the thought.No way , my heart told me this was just an innocent massage , I was never going to do this, not with this ugly boy, never!!! , but no harm in enjoying my own sexuality, I would control it when needed, I always had so far. I popped myself up and gulped the whole glass of beer and signaled Abit for refill.As he got up I looked for any sign of sexual sign in his loose half pants, nothing! That made me comfortable , he returned soon , placing the glass near me and sitting down and restarting where he had left, I placed my foot in his lap again and his hands grabbed my thigh in both hands , fingers digging in my soft muscles, dancing around sending waves after waves of pleasure to my mind ,after going up few. "They used you." "Exactly," Winston nodded. "I am not innocent in the fact I used them as well." "We all use someone in some way," I nodded. "It's life." We stared at each other then we kissed. "No," Winston said. "I am sorry, I shouldn't have..." "As you said I am not innocent either," I nodded. "But," he began to say. "Its nerves," I said as I backed away from him. "We have both been through a traumatic event and the interviewing and the questions and..." I stopped. "Maybe we should go to our rooms, so nothing else happens." "Agreed," Winston said as we both went our separate ways.I laid in bed thinking about what had happened. I didn't feel like it was a mistake. I knew I felt the need to be close to him. However, was it because he saved my life? Or that he was willing to die so that I could live? There were many instances were a person got a crush on their savior. Is that what I was feeling? No, I would know the difference, I was smart enough to know if I had a crush or I had.
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