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I called you half a dozen times that night." I never get one of those calls, nor any message." I know, you were out screwing around on a date. Having fun while breaking your promise to me when I badly needed to talk to you."She easily heard the pain and anger in his voice.She said, "Nooo," in a half wail, "I never broke my promise to you, I never cheated!" I know you went out on dates with quite a few men." Yes I did that, but I never had sex with any of them. Not any type of sex, not intercourse, not anal, not even oral sex. None. "There was a pause then she added, "I did sort of have hand sex with a couple of the guys when I felt their shafts through their pants, I... I did give one guy a climax but it was with my hand. Two felt me through my shorts and sucked on a nipple for a minute but I put a stop to it and that's when I stopped dating. I was not out on a date four weeks ago. I had stopped them by then. I... I realized that if I continued going out like that, I would end up. ‘Michael I’m going to miss you. Who am I going to have any fun with?’ ‘You can visit me, I won’t be that far away.’ ‘I don’t want you to go’ I said as I kissed his forehead and then his face and then his lips and then we were married. Those were different times. The wedding was something like the festival of San Genero, with about as much noise and people. I was delirious. Did everyone feel like this after they got married? I hoped so. We lived in our new place together for eighteen months. Michael died. I won’t recount the scenes to wring tears: he died, he just died. The only thing I’ll say is that one of the last things he told me was, ‘when I get up there and they ask me what I liked best, I’ll tell them about you’. People use the word ‘void’. For me it was just the opposite. There was no void, I wasn’t empty. I was filled. I was filled with Michael, with anger, with despair. I was filled with loss. Michael’s death brought me to the second Great Unshakable Truth. I would never.
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