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Obviously, if you can't admit what you are then you will never be happy. I'm sorry if I'm being bitchy, but don't you think you should?"I paused, realizing that this teenager had hit the nail on the head, and then said, "You don't know my story, it's hard for me. I've been through a few things that have messed me up." It's not easy for any of us to be gay and face the ridicule. I've had it better than most, being raised by an understanding mother. But don't even think that we don't notice the ridicule of our classmates. The guys want to fuck us to show us what a real man can do, or either they want to see us getting it on. Most girls hate us and think they are going to catch our illness. Fuck 'em, we are not sick; we are queer. So I say, Fuck you world. Stick it up your ass if you don't like it. There is nothing I can do about it. Except love girls the way God meant me to love girls. Sometimes you must say Fuck off world."It was silent for a few seconds"Yes, you're right," I mumbled,. I can be LOADS of fun, you know?" Yes, I know, Holly." Eric said. "Don't forget, it's not that long agothat _I_ was you, remember?"A light went on in my head just then. A light that told me that Iwasn't acting like myself, but was acting like a little bubble-headedblonde flirt! Holy shit! That was the first time I had ANY indicationof what those tapes could do, HAD done to a person! Embarrassed? HellYES I was embarrassed!"ERIC!" I said. "My GOD, I'm sorry. I don't know WHAT came over me. Ijust saw you there in that chair and you looked so sexy and handsomeand... male, and I couldn't HELP myself, and I'm doing it again, aren'tI? JESUS, Eric! HOW do I turn this shit OFF? I'm feeling things for youand about you that I shouldn't be, aren't I?'"No Holly. You're acting and feeling pretty much what you SHOULD beright now. Those tapes are VERY powerful training tools and they workVERY well indeed. What you're feeling right now is PURE Holly. Thefeelings taught to you by the tapes are very.
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