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I asked suganthi you didnt take leave ?. Suganthi said yeah I thought of ,but ur parents said me to cook for you and take care of the house in their absence. I felt overjoyed. Even a porn can’t bring this much happiness.I finished my dinner and handover the plate to suganthi in the kitchen as usual I started the ass caressing. After dinner I watched tv in the hall. I asked suganthi to join with me ,but she refused because she wants to complete all household chores. I always having the habit of watching films in late night. I came to upstairs to my room and started watching the movie .I didnt of the lights. Around 12.15 a.M. Suganthi knocked my door. I asked what suganthi any problem. She said that lights are still on in your room so I came to see you that you r all right or not. I told her about my ni8 time habit. I invited her to join me to watch the movie. She said I dont having the habit of watching films in ni8. I said I am feeling very bored to watch alone. If you fish you can. He nods and says, "now you will remain where you are, kneeling there, and you will remain looking at Me while you think about why you are filled with such self doubt." i feel horrible. This is so painful i am beginning to wish He had chosen to cut off my arm instead. As i continue to look at him, more tears begin to fall and i have a hard time keeping my eyes on Him, much less thinking about anything. Looking up at Him, i beat myself up all over again for putting Him through this. Why do i have such self-doubt? The answer is because i have not accepted myself for who and what i am. Why haven't i? i honestly don't know. i continue to look at Him, wondering if i should wait for Him to prompt me for my answer. i find myself unwilling (or unable?) to speak. He has done nothing to deserve this nonsense, and i begin to kick myself all over again. i am pretty close to losing my composure - the flood is getting closer; i can feel it. i am trying to hold on to what little dignity i can, but.
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