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You quickly climb into the bed and cover yourself. “No,” I say. “I want to see you.” Slowly I pull the blanket aside, but your grip tightens, resisting. I become more insistent and you relent. After all, this is my gift. “Sit up.” Your eyes refuse to meet mine, but you comply. “I can’t believe I am doing this.” “You’re doing this because you want to.” “I’ve wanted to for a long time.” “Look at me.” Your eyes finally meet mine. And a faint smile grows. “Do you like your gift?” What can I say in answer? It is more than a gift. It is a statement of the courage that you have found in yourself. It is an awareness of your own body and the effect that you have on me. It is an acknowledgement of your womanhood. It is much more than a gift. “Shi de.” A simple answer in your own language. But not enough. “God, yes.” “I bought it for you.” “Thank you. Xie xie ni.” And you laugh. “You always make me laugh.” “Come to me.” And you sink into my arms. Your skin is hot. I feel the heat from every. I'm actually a doctor. Went to college and medical school. I help people.But none of that matters when you're a black man, you see. White people only see you one way.I've been pulled over by the cops too many times to remember. Questioned. Harassed. It's humiliating.And it's not just the authorities. It's regular people too. You can try to ignore it, but you can tell. When you're walking down the street, white ladies cross to the other side or or they hold their purse tight to their chest while they look at you with fear or suspicion. They don't even know me, but they think I'm some stereotype. I used to try to put people at ease. You know, I would try to smile or whistle some Disney song. I mean how dangerous can a man who is whistling the theme song to "Frozen" be? Doesn't matter. I'm just a black man to them. Well I'm done with trying to be the nice guy. You think I'm some bad ass nigger. Fine. I'll play your game. It all started one day when I was at a medical.
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