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This isn't getting me anywhere. I have to find some other way. It turns out everybody else is looking for the other way too. Outside the bars there are lots of singles events. The same thing but less intense. How did Ruth find out she was interested in me? I can't ask her that. Before I didn't care how. Now it's blocked off. Everybody has their blinders on in this world. They set up the limits and play the games inside them. I don't enjoy playing from this end. The gay world seemed so much looser once you were inside it. But it was a smaller world too. This can't be all there is. I think about a personals ad. I laugh. I don't know how to describe myself. I go to a video dating service. I find the questionnaire almost impossible to fill out. I cheat. I give myself a phony background. I listen to tapes recorded by men. I wonder how much they're cheating. I have no idea how such a thing could possibly work. I begin to get positive attention from men in public places. When I looked like. These are lessons that I learned in training but I actually had to live it before truly learning the helplessness of it all.” “Jesus, Kat, I am truly sorry for what you are going through.” “Thanks, but as they say, ‘It ain’t all bad.’ Without John’s, err problem, I wouldn’t have met you and I am truly enjoying our time together. You are helping to keep me grounded and to feel cared about. That means so much more to me than I can tell you.” “You are helping me too Kat, I don’t know how I would have handled all this stuff from Audrey and her boyfriend. I feel rejected by her and it helps a lot that you have been so accepting of me.” “As I see it, we have been fortunate enough to have found each other when each of us needed someone, whether we call it karma, fate, kismet or whatever.” “Kismet?” “Sorry, ‘kismet’ is a Yiddish expression for destiny.” “Oh, okay. You didn’t mention what set your husband off on this bender, Kat.” “Well the short version is pretty much the same as the.
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