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I could stop things if I wanted. My voyeurism was being sated via John's videos. That night I got to actually see Suze in action at the bookstore and strip club was a bonus beyond the videos. Our sex life had improved, as well. We were having sex more often and with greater variety. Our activities had not seemed to have a serious negative social affect, our lives and interactions with friends and coworkers was unchanged. Aside from the flimsy artificial reality about Suze's time with John, we had actually been closer and spent more time together since all this started as well.That left the down side of things to consider. My web surfing and porn reading promoted secretness and deception between my wife and I. That is not good. My wife having sex outside the bonds of marriage is something that would be frowned on by a great deal of society. Certainly, some of her sexual activities over the last months were way beyond the pale. The mix of feelings I have had are intense, but probably. I've heard stories of long labors and major pain in giving birth from countless women. With all three kids, when I was ready to have them, I had them. Wes and Les were both born before I got into the delivery room. Jaz held off till they closed the door, then he popped out.I guess my cancer scare was tough going, but the worst part was waiting for the day of the operation. The actual operation was done in the doctor's office and I had to wait a few days for the results, so I had the kids and life to keep me busy.I can say without a doubt that that Wednesday night was the longest night I've ever gone through. My first born had been in a major accident and could die without ever waking up. Did he know how much I loved him? Was there anything I missed doing to show him how much he meant to me both as a son and an individual?My second born had unselfishly volunteered to give up part of her body so that he might live. The doctor hadn't gone over chances, but you can't take a major organ.
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