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" Karen," he gently said, "I have a question for you, and I want you to answer it at a lower volume." Okay." Suddenly, I was spent. I had just discharged all the words in my arsenal."What are you in here for?" I am convinced he'd already read my file. He just wanted to get me to say it."I fucked an underage girl," I said, looking away from him. "It was statutory rape. I used to excuse myself because I didn't force myself on her. Now, I am so ashamed about what I did to her. I was an asshole. I understand girls so much better than I used to. I understand that special vulnerability girls have."He nodded again. "And I'm starting to understand you, Karen. In part, your new self-definition as Karen is the product of guilt over the way you treated that underage girl." I feel more ashamed than guilty," I quickly replied. I took a deep breath, and realized he had the essence of it, even if guilt wasn't the right word. "Feeling ashamed of it, that's one of the things that's changing me. You're. Tina was in the window seat while Fiona occupied the middle and I was on the aisle. Fiona was nervous and had been hanging onto my arm the whole flight. ‘Are you uncomfortable flying?’ I asked. ‘No … not at all. I’m worried about meeting your family. I wonder how they’re going to feel about me replacing Carla and you marrying a foreigner.’ ‘A foreigner!’ I laughed. ‘They are going to love you, just as I do,’ I assured her. ‘They want us to be happy and I know that for a fact.’ She nodded and forced a smile. ‘I guess it’s just fear of the unknown.’ Tina was missing a couple of days of school to make this trip, but she assured us that she was ahead in her studies and if her report cards were any indication, she didn’t have a thing to worry about. She would fly back to California on her own, taking her mother’s car home from the airport. I was taking a working break, if there is such a thing. I would be in meetings with Leo and Dave to discuss our progress to date and go over the.
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