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Invisibility would be a gift and yet the only thing I wish for lies within the bounds of impossibility.I want to disappear from the life I live and find another, I want to leave all those I know forever. I know myself better than any other and I know that I lack the capacity for truly endearing emotions. I love pain and danger yet I feel incapable of love and innocence. My life is a shadow of anger — I'm drowning in rage and disgust for myself. My entire being is an imposition.Water: an undeniably relaxing element. When I feel it swish against me at the beach, when it knocks me under it's surface with powerful surges and when it falls relentlessly from the sky I feel calm — as if my problems have disappeared if only for the moment. However, I know that my element is it's opposite- FIRE. I connect with the flames of a malevolent fire; I see myself within its intense heat. I feel as if my emotions are a wild flame of insecurities, revenge and self-hatred. It's ironic how I see myself. At fifty-five grandma is still a knockout, a true country girl like my mother. During my previous visits to my grandparents, I had seen her numerous time sunbathing in the open backyard of her house. She would always be in the skimpiest bra and panties, never bothering about the presence of her teenage grandson, or her daughter. Now, I think that I could understand the reason. She had no secrets to hide from her daughter.I had always admired her beautiful curves, sometimes even feeling aroused. However, only a few months back it was unimaginable to me that one-day I would think of fucking her. Life changes very fast. I was now regularly screwing my mother, so I did not feel any surprise when I thought of fucking my beautiful grandma also.I left the house in the morning. Before starting, I handed over the house keys to Wongs, just in case mother return from her trip early, she might need them and I too would be saved from carrying those keys with me. I am not old enough to hold a.
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