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I dab my eyes and look up to meet her gaze, see them full of concern. She wants to connect with me on a deeper level, places two fingertips high on my cheekbone near the corner of my eye and wipes away a tear. The intensity of the gaze we exchange is too much. I turn away and look out the window, afraid I might start to sob and never stop. With effort, I compose myself before I turn to her and say:"Losing her was more than I could bear. Even then, I couldn't tell Tom about us. Not long after, my relationship with him ended. He said I'd changed, becomes a stupid, neurotic bitch. I moved away and found another post. Chloe rests her head against mine and shushes me. People are looking, but I don't care.I take her hands and quietly say, "Thank you." For what?" Listening. It's a year this December since Amber died, and I've only recently been able to talk about it. Last night, at my brother's place, was the first time I've ever told anyone about what we shared."A voice crackles from. Unfortunately I'm afraid that when the first man, MrJacobson, spurted his nasty stuff down my throat I couldn't help it, Iwas sick.I was mortified that I'd broken up the party, they obviously couldn'tcarry on eating with the smell of my sick in the room, so they all wentout to have their meals in a restaurant while I cleaned up. Cook wasn'tvery pleased with me either but suggested that I use the main course thenext day for lunch service. She showed me what to do to finish cookingit.June 21I'm afraid that lunch didn't go too well. Cook apparently told me topre-heat the oven then cook the fish for twenty minutes at two hundredand I thought she said two hundred at twenty and Sir and Madam said itwasn't cooked properly so they ended up going to their golf club forsomething.Madam was very nice about it though and told me to dry my eyes, it wasn'tmy fault that I was stupid.June 22Mrs Jacobson called to see Madam at lunch time but of course they wereout so we had a nice little chat.
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