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I walk over to the table where I find a wine glass and a bottle of golden elixir waiting for me, and sit down for a much needed drink. As I savor the flavor of sweet spices rising up in a sea of golden honey, I feel the anger and frustration melting away and the house seems to wrap its arms around me, making me feel completely safe for the first time in quite a while. After spending fifteen years making up my mind, I have finally come home.I sit for a few minutes, wondering if I should just sleep on the couch or go tell him that I’m here. Deciding I should tell him I’m here, I go looking for the bedroom. When I find the elaborately carved staircase, I pause at the bottom, pondering what happens next. After our last encounter, I picked up my wedding ring and went back to my old life. Even if I do sleep on the couch, Mike will never believe it; so I may not have that option this time. If I’m going to stay here, I need to be sure of what it is that I really want.I sneak into his room. I always was punctual to everything. If I drove very slowly, which I did, it took me an entire five minutes. That was just about how long it took. I parked my father’s ’64 Ford Galaxy outside her house, turned off the lights and then the engine. Ellie lived in a part of town where you could only see your neighbor’s window by using a pair of binoculars. The quietness within the car was only exceeded by soft dark quietness of the late fall evening. I looked up to the sky. The stars shown brightly. It was a beautiful evening and yet you would think a tremendous storm were descending upon us by looking at me. I was scared to death. A plethora of ‘what ifs’ ran through my mind. Self-doubt was in control. My heart was racing so much I could feel it pounding against my shirt. I looked at my watch, 6:43, another seventeen minutes before I was to pick Ellie up. I sat there wishing I could be in the house with her and wishing she’d look out the window, discover me and invite me inside. Neither.
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