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Please Don’t!”I saw myself getting out of bed and walking up to him, but as soon as I did, he evaporated away from me.I cried after him, “Dad, d-don’t leave. I miss you. I need you. I miss you. I need you...”“Ray, RAY, wake up, come on Ray, wake up?” It was Susan. “Don’t worry, I’m here. I’m here to help you find out about dad.”“What’s going on?” mom stumbled through my doorway covering herself with a robe, “What is it, Raymond? Did you have a dream? A dream about your father?”Why was everyone talking so loud?Still shaking, but comforted by Susan, I took a couple of deep breaths, then I looked at Susan, who said, “It was a dream about Dad, it sounded like. Go to bed mom, I’ll help Raymond get back to sleep. You have work in the morning.”“Thank you, Susan,” she said. “I love you, Raymond, you too Susan.” She turned and walked away.“Are you going to be able to get back to sleep Ray?” she asked me, rubbing my back to calm me down.“Lie down with me for just a minute, Susan?”“Sure,” she. I have suggested on many occasions we go to a swingers club out of town, but she declines. I assume she thought the motive was for me to have sex with other women. In fact the opposite was/is true, my whole being is about me giving Angela whatever she needs and wants. For me the swingers club was kind of selfish. Not to have sex myself with other women, but to see her having sex with other men if she wanted to. I realise now in 37 years of marriage Angela had no desire to have sex with other men with or without me. So no matter how many time I asked she was not sexually motivated or confident enough to do this. Then and now I’m a hundred percent sure our marriage and relationship is rock solid. I know Angela would never damage our marriage or leave me. The feeling is mutual, but if she ever wanted a dalliance a one night stand or a regular male friendship with benefits I’d be okay with that knowing deep down she would always come home to me. Given everything I have just said I was.
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