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It was kind of sad, really.February 28.I like her! She's soft and gentle in a way that makes me yearn for ... mothering, or something. Well, anyway, she's the first female I've managed to get that close to since that horrible experience with whats-her-cunt way back in high school. I don't even want to think about that.It was like talking to a girlfriend, rather than to a guy, when she had one of her chitchats with him. There was none of the underlying sexual tension that would inevitably creep into a man-woman thing. The playacting. The put-on vulnerability and giggly flirtatiousness that was expected of the woman. The barely-controlled aggressiveness that the guy was supposed to show. It was all so very stupid and so often turned sour. But talking to a gay man -- a queer, by golly! -- felt so right. So comfortable. She liked the feeling, damn it! And if that made her some kind of a fag hag, well then, fuck it!March 13.She started to give me a good-night kiss on the cheek and then I. I keep telling her andeveryone that it is not my fault that I am small for my age.I mean I tried working out to get bigger and more muscular and pray for agrowth spurt. I would run around, and I even tried out for all the sportsand of course, you can probably guess what they said? Yes, that is it, Iwas too small for the team, but I could help being the water boy or pickthe towels up and clean up the boy's locker room to help the team. Yeaso, that is not going to happen thinking back to when they gave me thatchance.I hope I get my growth spurt soon, but to be honest I think my littlesister got both our growth spurts since she is taller for her age andthat bugs me to no end. Mom even tries to give me her hand me downs butthat is just so bad. I guess looking down at the jeans I am wearing youreally can't tell they are my little sister's old jeans, they look likethey're brand new. The jeans are not really girly so much unless you lookclosely and can see the extra sewing around the tiny.
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