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I”“Oh, hello dear, sorry. Now you know my secret vice. These were my husband’s. He used to sit in the potting shed looking at them. I didn’t realise until he was dead. I had no idea, I say. It was after he’d died, and I was tidying his things up. Sacks of clothes for the hospice shop and that kind of thing. And I thought ‘I wonder if there is anything in the shed that we don’t need’ I was still thinking ‘we’ rather than ‘I’. I came in here, and ... well I was shocked at first. Then I was fascinated. Can I tell you something? I went upstairs and undressed to see how I compared. It wasn’t that good, I have to admit. But then, Henry stayed with me all those years, so I must have had something that the pictures of naked women didn’t. I guess I was real life flesh and blood. He never played away, you know. Well ... hardly ever. Just the once. Can’t say I blame him that time. He got the offer of an eighteen year old. Amelia I think she was called, yes, that was it. I mean he got offers. They ‘knew’ humans are violent, but this visit I found that they have discovered murder, violence, and war in our music.”“So I spent days discussing Tom Dooley, Frankie and Johnny, The Battle Hymn Of The Republic, Sink The Bismarck, Maxwell’s Silver Hammer, and even Wellington’s Victory and the 1812 Overture. And a whole lot more. There were some pretty hairy minutes in there dancing around the violence without causing mental anguish. These are a brave folk; they just can’t fathom deliberate violence against intelligent beings. They know it exists, but glorifying it in music or poetry ... It’s worse than porn in the middle of Sunday school.”She paused, and reflected, “You know, they really ‘got’ songs like The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald and The Wind Beneath My Wings, but Big Bad John with its violence over a Cajun Queen totally confused them. So I’m heading back to Earth to extract some musicologists and a variety of literature professors to help me explain. All the on-file.
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