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“I also didn’t say I wasn’t going to do that,” I said quietly. “I love her, Doctor Mercer. And THAT is the ultimate source of the problem, if you will, at least from my perspective. You don’t know this, but the people closest to me all say Angie is the one who should have been my wife, and would have been except for her condition. And I agree with them. I was ready to commit to her during Freshman year, even if it meant four years of celibacy before we could marry.”“Your heart and mind are in serious conflict.”“And my soul, too. Or better, what we call the «nous». In effect, it’s an admission that pure reason is insufficient, and that there will always be mysteries which escape analysis and which really can’t be expressed. It’s the unknowable depth of a thing which constitutes its true, indefinable essence, and reflects God as the source of its existence. We only understand these things by faith and intuitive truth - by the ‘eyes of the soul’, or the «nous». This is the true center of. I was surprised to see Eric, one of two hired hands, coming around the veranda with that slow, rolling gait that was developed by spending years on horseback. He stopped at my feet, peering up at my face as I sat on the top step. I felt color rush into my face and a wave of another kind of heat entirely roll through my body as I saw he wore a pair of button fly jeans, only half buttoned, his dogged old cowboy boots, and a simple thin, white, skin-hugging tank. I could clearly see his chest muscles and dark, tiny nipples standing taunt just under the thin fabric. I yanked my attention away and looked at his face, shadowed by his white straw hat. ‘What is it, Eric?’ I asked him, relieved to find my voice cool and casual. He didn’t say anything at first, just reached into the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out a battered pack of Marlboros, lit one and put it back. I dropped my own cigarette into the clay pot reserved for the butts, and sat, watching him smoke. I saw a bead of.
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