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I thought the movies and the walk home had gone pretty well. The only thing I regretted was not asking Eileen for another date. This time, with just the two of us. I had thought of it, but didn't get up my nerve enough to actually do it. Eileen was different than the girls I'd grown up with. She seemed more daring, more alive somehow. I was intimidated by her. I probably would have been much less intimidated with Clara or any of the other girls I knew. That thought went through my mind, but at the same time, I acknowledged that it was this intimidation factor that drew me towards her. It wasn't a moth drawn to the flame kind of attraction, I mean, I didn't feel compelled or anything. It was a fact though, that she excited me more than any of the others. I sensed that, with her, there was no way of guessing, much less controlling, the events that might occur.Sunday morning, right after we got back from church, Bill called me on the phone, asking me to meet him at the park where we had. Matt is right, I was a fucking whore.”I didn’t want to hear it, if she had secrets, she could keep them “Mom, don’t.”She ignored my plea “I was seventeen and experimenting with drugs and sex. I met this other girl who taught me about girl on girl sex then about two weeks later introduced me to a man who I started screwing too. After a couple nights of getting crazy stoned and fucked out of my mind in threesomes he promised me a lot of excitement and money for having fun.” Mom looked up at me, took another sip of her whiskey and said “Sit down Roger, it’s time you knew your mother better.”“Mom, you don’t ---”She interrupted me “Yes I do, sit and listen” she demanded.“He set up a video camera, the old kind that uses 8mm film then asked Bonnie, the other girl to run it while he and I screwed. At first, I was a little timid but he gave me some fucking pill that made my reluctance vanish in an instant. I got so goddamn horny he could have done anything he wanted. I climbed all over him.
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