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It was unusually full. A thick smoke hung in the air. The bar went quiet as she opened the door. A few guys were playing pool. Some where playing cards. Other just stood at the bar. They all stopped what they were doing and stared at her.Maybe this wasn’t the right time to walk into a bar, with your blouse almost see through from the rain, your skirt sticking to your legs making your suspended buttons very obvious through your dress…She gathered herself and approached the bar. It was the only way.“Do you have a phone?" she enquired nervously.“For sure.” the barman replied “Over there on the wall.”“Thanks” she said, relieved that the barman seemed very friendly.“...there’s a small charge” he followed on.“It’s ok, I have change.”The phone call didn’t take too long. Her husband said she’d have to wait a few hours before he could get out to her. Three, maybe four hours. It was late already. She returned to the bar.“I guess I’ll have to have a drink as I’m going to have to wait here some. .. and of course strangers who can "read" one as being physically male. What will they think? What will they say? What, in God's name will they DO?The fear is tremendous, even in 'normal' circumstances, but when one has spent the past nineteen years having the ego smashed flat, the possibility that what little support there is will vanish is just too much to bear. I applaud those who were able to get past all this and transition at an early age. I couldn't. I knew what was going to have to be done, and I just couldn't face up to the people involved. After everything that had happened, it was just too much to be faced, the idea of telling anyone about it and opening myself up to further ridicule and scorn.So I kept it quiet and did what little research was possible in those days. In the mid 1970's, even a big-city library or university library had maybe four items that showed up in the subject catalogue as "Change of Sex". There were no other categories at the time, and no Internet to.
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