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As good a time as any to start my autobiography. It’s Britain, so it’s raining. I’m British so it’s important that I mention the weather: my communication skills would be zilch if I didn’t. Today the weather came up no less than four times. Firstly, Neighbour: Terrible weather! Me: And they call this the start of summer! Neighbour: Gives the flowers a chance I suppose. Later: Newsagents: Not letting up, is it? Me: Good for the flowers, though. Newsagent: Pity I’m not running a garden centre. No pleasing some folk. Luckily, though, for a while I got a bit of a rest from the weather. That was because I was busy watching a particularly nasty gatecrasher do an amazing amount of damage in a very short space of time. No I wasn’t at mad Aunt Maud’s latest 21st birthday celebration – I’d decided to give that party a miss on account of it being held at the naturist park and my bikini line being more gorillian than Brazilian (that and not having a thing to wear) – No, I was at home facing the. I don't like being Tammi, and Celeste doesn't like her name either. I really would like to write 'his', because Celeste is really a boy, but we are not allowed to refer to each other, or to ourselves in the masculine.Anyway, yesterday was a really short day, since we were out cold until late afternoon. I woke up with those headphones on again, but try as we could, we couldn't get the tape to play while we were awake. I have a nasty feeling about what's on those tapes.We were both starved yesterday, and we sure kept quiet at dinner. It was weird, sitting there in those silly, faggy clothes, at a table full of boys all dressed up as girls. They've all been here for three weeks. I'm sure most of them were fairies before them got here, 'cause real boys couldn't get that femmy so fast unless they wanted to. Neither Celeste nor I will give in like that. The 'girls' at the other tables were even worse! There's no way... Mum and Dad will come get me out of here soon. They either don't know.
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