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I had to hurry.After reaching the square, my hurry had evaporated. So much had changed. There were no men, no whole men, at least. Veterans begged, shaking their stumps at people passing them. I gave a dollar's worth of pennies and nickels. There were no slaves. A few black women, dressed poorly but not in rags, kept well away from white folk who glared at them. I learned that black men, spotted in town sometimes disappeared. I prayed for the beggars. I prayed the lord to send blacks back to Africa. The biggest change was the women. I saw examples of every job in town being handled by women dressed for the effort. I looked especially for young women, but girls, who had yet to see their first blood month, worked alongside their mothers, as hard as anyone worked after a devastating war. Many young boys worked too, but they were a vicious lot. They snapped at girls. Some snapped at their mothers.Shame poured over me like a baptism from the devil. I shook off a sudden dread of returning. The situation had become familiar, painfully so.We were not alone in our bed. Curled up spoon fashion with Dan was our twelve-year-old daughter, Sarah. Dan sleeps in the nude, as does Sarah. The rocking gradually built in tempo and intensity until it could not be ignored. In weeks past they would not permit themselves to lose control and waited mercifully until they thought I was fast asleep. Each time, they began earlier and became more obvious until I found myself being gently rocked shortly after retiring and rudely jostled after only ten or fifteen minutes.I lay with tightly clenched jaws having to feel the rhythm of sexual passion slowly building; having to hear the obscene wet noises and the bed's cry of, "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I had to smell the heavy sensual musk wafting up from under the covers. It was the heady smell of incest that prevented sleep. The product of our love which gestated in my womb now stealing that love ounce by ounce, and doing so within arm's reach, doing so.
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