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Never mind." His eyes never left my body. I reached down and picked up my nightgown that I had laid out earlier."Is it okay if I just wear my nightgown while we watch TV? I got alittle too much sun today at the beach." He waved his arms in dismissal. "Wear whatever you want."He said,rather gruffly, a mean looking scowl coming on his face and turnedand walked out. I was devastated. What had I done to make my grandfather angry? Maybehe was mad because I had took so much time in the bathroom. I slidthe nightgown over my head, not bothering to even put on panties andfollowed him into the living room. he was sitting in his favoritechair flipping through the channels on the TV. I stood in front ofhim, tears beginning to well up in my eyes. "I'm, I'm sorry that I made you mad, grampa, I didn't mean to." Icould feel a tear sliding down my cheek. I guess I made a pitifulsight, standing there in my bare feet, with nothing on but a thin,shorty nightgown. My grandfather held. ...............What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier times, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take some leave to sort herself out. Susan begged me to be kinder to Amanda and ended her email by adding that she really believed that Amanda thought what she was doing was for both our benefits and begged me to call Amanda for a chat if I still cared about her to help her through her depression.That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had.
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