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He might prefer I stay home so he can enjoy the evening." Uhhh, Dad?" I said a bit timidly."What?" I sort of hired Cyrus away from you today." I actually heard dad snort and laugh at the same time!"Oh Lord! Well, there's a reason to celebrate, I guess! Lets go find our dancing shoes dear!"Pete was driving the Parkin Sporting Goods Van when they stopped to pick us up. It was just Pete and Ginny. They'd dropped everyone else of before coming to get us. Somehow, in a twelve passenger van carrying seven people, Ginny felt it necessary to sit in my lap the entire way!I do not often drink, but I do enjoy a pitcher of cold beer and the company of good friends while drinking it. The dinner-and-dancing band was still playing when we got there. The Rock-until-closing band usually didn't start until 9pm. Mike reminded me that it was winter, and with the tourist season months away, we would be getting nothing but country and country rock for the entire evening, courtesy of 'The Frog-Leg Four' a. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even love for myself. I did a horrible thing to someone else and deserve to suffer for it. Coincidentally, I've found a perfect way to do that. Sexual humiliation has become something I am rather good at taking and being used has taken over any of my previous sexual preferences.Finding the men is easy enough, especially when I tell them that I don't care who they are - something that seems mutual to most men nowadays. I don't think I've even asked their names the past few times. Thankfully, they don't.
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