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Work? Like being a squaddie is only some kind of job.I'm a woman.A woman! The difference in clear, even without actually taking off mykit and looking inside. Squeeze my thighs together - nothing there tobe squashed, nothing to hold when I piss. I'm a woman now and I mustsquat. If I send my awareness down into my chest, past my beatingheart, out through my lungs I know the weight and resilience ofbreasts. I long to hold them, to feel their weight in my hands, to seemy transformed nipples, but I hold my cup and saucer so trembling tightthe colour bleaches from my fingertips."Surely you're allowed time off once in a while," she presses. Her kneeis almost touching mine; as her skirt has ridden up I'm fascinated bythe contrast between the fine mesh of her nude hosiery with mycamouflaged trousers.I'd like her to hug me, such is the warmth and concern radiating fromher, but can't move. I could pull down my hair from its bun, hoping shewould brush it again. Big sigh - get a grip, Toots -. I just love them," she said smiling."Yeah well I don't have a dog. I just have thin limp ratty hair that is about to become history," I said with a smile. I was even more amused by how horrified she looked.I talked big but it took me over an hour to work up the courage to make that first cut. I wasn't a bit worried by the amount of bourbon it took to work up the nerve. How much skill was going to be required to shave my head?Fortunately even though my hair hung down it was limp and dry enough to be easy for the humming sheers to move through. It took a dozen passes, at least, but in the end my scalp was visible with just a brown stubble over it. I needed to go shopping again, I thought. I needed one of those chemotherapy head rags, without a doubt.I had just enough bourbon in me to make that a stupid idea. The drive to shop was the stupid idea, I decided. I fell into bed and napped two more hours. When I awoke from the nap, I wasn't sorry that I had made the moves I had. I did wish.
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