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“I feel a lot less distressed over Gran dying than I do for Grace disappearing. Gran, I will see again, Grace, I may never.”When I get home, Sam, Zlata and Grandpa are all sitting in the dining room instead of the living room or up at the shop where they would typically be. Sam is sitting in his chair, crying. Zlata has her chair pushed up against his, hugging him, and Grandpa is seated at the head of the table, trying his hardest not to cry, yet tears slowly trickle down his face. Looking at me, he says, “Where were you? You should have been with your family.”Dahlia speaks for me, saying, “Everybody grieves in their own way. Leave him alone.” It warms my heart that she feels protective of me enough to speak up like that.I feel the need to address business, saying, “Gran and I took care of all the funeral arrangements so you will not have to worry about anything. If there is anything special you want, let me know, and I’ll make the arrangements. Has anybody phoned Donny and. All had placed me in the most erotic mood. I had left the house in a hurry, and as I drove I listened to "If You Can't Say No" by Lenny Kravitz, master mood-producer extraordinaire. His music always sends me spiraling into a shameful void of lustful emotions and forbidden thoughts.I drove and sang along with the music, re-playing the same song over and over until I had no choice but to be completely overcome with what the lyrics meant. "If you can't say no, just think about me", easy enough to understand, right? A lover tells his unfaithful partner to think of him before she commits any more crimes against their relationship. Damned guilt, it weeds its way in every time. What is it that's so incredibly sexy about "shame on you" music? Music that speaks to you and tells you you're bad when you're doing something you shouldn't? What makes a person think, this is so bad, so wrong, but I can't resist? I WON'T!Ignoring the urge to turn around and be safe, loyal, and "mature", I drove on..
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