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God still chuckles even to this day about having gotten Noah to name one of his sons after a pork product! Yet he drew the line at a more obvious choice of 'Bacon'.Now it's important to note right here, in God's defence of what's about to happen, that the Earth was totally corrupt by this point in time. Like, just the worst. Humans had grown into a very violent, corrupt, despicable, vile, disgusting, hedonistic, vain, selfish, free-thinking, free-love, pot-smoking, hippy commune-like society. This offended God to no end, as you can imagine. Thankfully, after God did what He's about to do in this story, that the Earth and the humans on it are now a much better, superior, morally-righteous, and higher class of faithful people these days!But I'm getting ahead of myself. Just remember that God was totally justified in doing what He's about to do! If anything, God's a real hero for committing mass genocide on a huge global-altering scale. Just like Stalin, or Hitler, or even the Rwandan. Well, we set sail for Tarshish. I figured a pleasant boat trip to a fun city was better than a long uncomfortable camel ride to deliver an unpopular pronouncement to an undeserving people. After a few hours of fair weather, with the sun and the excitement, and a good meal with a nice little jar of Joppa's best wine, I got sleepy so I went below for a nap. You can guess the Lord wasn't happy with my choice.The next thing I know, the Captain is shaking me out of a good sound sleep. There was shouting and confusion and a lot of running around by the sailors. Some were even praying to their small idols they had brought along. A big storm had blown in while I was asleep. The swells of the sea were so huge that the ship might have been broken on one. The enormous waves were washing over the decks and the crew had thrown all the cargo overboard to lighten the ship.The Captain shook me awake and told me what was happening. He said, "What are you doing sound asleep? Pray to your god like.
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