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’ ‘Um, that she was going to kick someone in the nuts?’ Carolyn said, suppressing a laugh, ‘Then Ron started,well, scolding her and she said she loved you again.’ ‘I’ve spent two weekends with her and she’s so lonely she already loves me. And I love her too. Brat’s awesome.’ ‘Its late Jessie, you need to sleep now, I’m turning your phone off until morning. Okay if I sleep in your roomie’s bed?’ ‘Um, I wouldn’t. No telling what you might catch.’ ‘Is she sick or something?’ ‘No, but some of the people she brings over and her do some pretty sick things.’ I grinned. I figured Carolyn would either go ahead and risk sleeping in Trisha’s bed, or grab the spare blankets and pillows and sleep on the couch in the commons like I had before, but instead, she changed into PJ’s, grabbed the spare pillow, and said ‘Move over.’ ‘Uh, okay, is there enough room? You can take my bed and I can go to the couch.’ I said. ‘Just move over, I’m not leaving you and you aren’t sleeping on the couch. We’ll just. But that isn’t what happened: I didn’t allow this crime to happen. I was overpowered, and I am not responsible for what happened to me. I spent a year in therapy, which was really helpful, but it was in finally telling friends and family that I got my mental strength back. I wanted to do it alone, but letting other people help me actually made me stronger. Eventually I met a friend who also had things in his past he wasn’t proud of, but he showed me how to put it to good use. That friend not only has freedom from worrying what people think of him, he has also used his awful experience to help others. He told me he can’t change what happened in the past, but he does have the power to put the experience to good use. At first I didn’t believe that telling people I was raped would be helpful to anyone. But now I’m learning that it wasn’t the crime that was important – it’s what I’ve done since then that matters. I’m grateful that I had running to fall back on while I processed this..
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