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All she said, when she barged in on me, was, "You look better in a skirt,Julianne. Trousers look so masculine on you. Next you'll be wearing apair of jeans with a zip down the front!"I smiled. I was torn at that moment between my sisterly instinct, thepart of me that just wanted to put on my makeup and do girly things withmy sister, and my hormonal desire to look like a boy again."Could you still love me if I became your brother again, Trudy?" I asked."Yes of course, Julianne, but it wouldn't be the same," Trudy replied."Why? Are you thinking of crossdressing 'comme les gar?ons,' Sis?"I hesitated. It wasn't just that Trudy had described it that way but thatI too had now come to think, despite the fact that I was assigned male atbirth, of dressing as a boy as crossdressing because I had now immersedmyself in a feminine environment. I was Trudy's sister Julianne nowwasn't I? Julian, the feeble insecure little boy had gone and I was nolonger a member of the weaker sex was I? I. After all, he was a man and I was just a little girl. Well, teenage girl that is. I love watching porn and masturbate while I watch it. Sometimes, I touch myself whenever Uncle Max is at work and before I sleep. I mean, I was in my teens, being curious about the male anatomy and…sex. I’m still a virgin and like all goodie girls, I wanted to give my virginity to a man I love. But living with my Uncle seemed kind of impossible too. The town held at least 500 people. Most of the teenage girls are either dating, pregnant and married all in that order. Most of the boys I see every day for the past five months weren’t as interesting. They were tall, I can credit that but they were also scrawny looking with a tiny bit of muscle. The boys always look like as if they can just break and disintegrate into a thousand pieces if they were hit by a truck.I don’t think I want to give up my virginity to any of them. The way I see it, those boys in town look as if they’re just after your body, come.
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