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I wasn’t consciously thinking anything about the possibility of homosexuality when I was with Donny, but in retrospect, subconsciously I was falling in love with him.I can admit to myself now, after all that has happened, that I was a closet queen in denial for most of my life. For a while, when I was a young teen, I used to cross dress in secret. But I hated myself for it and pretended to loath “faggots,” even though part of me knew I might be one. But I fought it and when I was 23 I met Claire and we got married. I was a virgin, and from the beginning Claire had been the aggressor in our courtship, and after a short time we settled into a married routine, eventually having 3 kids. Sometimes during sex with Claire, I fantasized that I was with a man, but for the most part I successfully sublimated my homosexuality.One weekend Claire took the kids to her parents for the weekend, and on Friday after work we were at his place, watching porn. It was summer, and Donny liked just wearing. She finally found a very short dress and said, “I think this one will fit you.”I felt uncomfortable about the lack of length so I stated, “Louise, I’m not sure I could wear this. It is too short and I would feel like a prostitute.”Louise commanded, “Masha put this on, now let me find a top for you.”I uncomfortably squeezed into the short dress, and began to pull on it trying to make it longer. Louise ordered, “Masha, leave the dress alone you - look great.”She handed me a top and said, “Now put this on and let’s see how you look.”It was a stupid tube top so I was forced to remove my bra. I put it on and felt worse than ever. Louise continued with the laughter, “Masha, you need to look more comfortable than you do right now.”I complained, “Louise, I can’t! It feels like everything is hanging out of the clothes.”Louise suggested, “Let’s have a little wine and you will feel better.”I refused, “No, not tonight because I need to keep all my wits about me. However, I would like you to help.
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