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.”“I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof.” (from an Australian claim form)“The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.”“I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.”“I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.”Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?A: Travelled by bus?The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were -Q: What warning was given by you?A: Horn.Q: What warning was given by the other party?A: Moo.“I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.”“On approach to the traffic lights the car in front. Her mini-dress was very tight across her chest, and while not particularly low cut it still emphasised her breasts with the silk material hugging her invitingly. The skirt was so short she looked like the teenager she was when I married her.I went to kiss her and she stepped back, "Please don't kiss me, I just spent ages on my makeup."Get me a drink to calm my nerves."I didn't think that was a particularly good idea on an empty stomach given her habit of flirting outrageously when she has a few drinks, but she insisted and when she insists on something, anything really, I know I have to do what she says. I guess I am getting 'pussy whipped' as I understand some of my friends say behind my back."Don't drink too much as you know I won't be there to take care of you."She laughed and replied, "Oh, Doug, I just told you Clint promised to keep me in line!"I convinced her to wear her short white vinyl raincoat as the forecast called for rain, and fortunately, it was a bit longer than her.
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