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It’s his choice — our choice and that’s it.’ ‘Do you call him when you need to shit too?’ ‘Belittling me is not a good idea, Sarah. You need help, these kids need help and I’m here to help. If your attitude is a problem then you deal with it but don’t give me shit. I’ll take the responsibility for tonight, sure, but you take the responsibility for putting me in charge. If something happens that I’m not qualified for then it’s your problem. Got it? Let’s go,’ Mei said and turned on her heels. They reviewed all thirty-six children, Mei taking notes. As they came to the last door, Sarah finished her sentence, ‘…she’ll be fine till her next meds but restrain her if she loses control.’ So that was it. Mei was going to be in charge of two staff caretakers she didn’t know and her back up was the nurse and the cleaning crew that didn’t speak English. That was the help she had to care for thirty-six severely handicapped kids. TV would help, snacks would help, it was nearly dinner time and. I could feel you. I know that now.All I knew then was that there was ... something ... incomplete ... about the way I was living.And behaving.My parents would never have understood. Or even recognized me. During that time.Sex. And drugs. And rock and roll. There was fighting in the street. I was a street-fightin' man. I was living a songwriter's dream.Marching and getting maced and looking at Hell's Angels dressed up as "security" and crying for the fallen here at home and cursing the fallen across the sea in another world and then going back to our little places to drink and eat and smoke and lose ourselves in sweat and saliva and secretions.Am I remembering?I think so.Nothing succeeds like excess. And I excelled at excess.A dozen or so of us in a small 2-bedroom apartment, a few in the kitchen fixing dinner for all of us, the rest in the main room, no lights on, candles everywhere. Groups of two or three on the couch, on the floor, in front of the dark television. On the closet.
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