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I would get up and go to work, then come home and watch TV with them until it was time to go to bed. On my off days I’d help around the house and otherwise just try to keep busy somehow. I wasn’t still thinking about suicide, at least not constantly, anyway, the way I had been before. I sure as hell wasn’t thinking much about living, either. Like I said, I was just existing. I appreciated all their help, so I gave Scott $20,000 from the sale of my house. He didn’t want to take it, but I insisted, and I put the rest in the bank. I felt the time had come to stop being a burden to them, and I had at least regained enough emotional stability to convince them that I wasn’t going to kill myself. I’d be okay eventually, was the working plan. We decided I would get my own place. That was the whole point of moving away, wasn’t it, to start all over? At some point I was going to have to try, and they grudgingly agreed it was time. I didn’t want another house. I didn’t want anything other than. The thought gave me a boner, so I quickly changed into my snow pants and headed up stairs. The uncles packed the skis up and we were off. I didnt spend much time with the girls on the hill because they were off with their parents and I was off with my cousins. Through the entirety of the day I kept thinking about Ursula and her sister. I wondered what they looked like taking showers. Normally obsessing over a girl I had just met this much wasnt my style, but the way she kept looking at me when we were in the house told me she wanted something as well. Back at the house we had dinner. Ursula was seated across the table from me and all the kids were talking. She kept looking at me and I kept watching her. Ursula wanted some salt and pepper so she reached across the table to grab the two shakers in front of me. Since the day had basically ended, she decided to relax and put on some more comfortable clothing. During the meal she was wearing a tank top and soccer shorts so when she leaned.
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