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I spent the last two months staying positive, keeping myself from losing confidence. I’ve been thinking of you as alive and still fighting. I ignored the ugly feelings that something was wrong. You weren’t responding to anything. I convinced myself you were spending your precious energy on those wonderful children, who matter more than me. I can only hope that is true, that your last days were spent surrounded by your children and family. I still think you were strong enough to beat the cancer. Losing the baby and the final expiration of your marriage were heavy enough hits. Topped with the ugly cherry of such an aggressive cancer, you were up against too much. Losing much needed love and support in the face of such a daunting trial would do anyone in. Part of me feels a deep overwhelming pain, loss. There is an ache inside that only time will cure. It’s been fueled over the last forty hours by the knowledge that we will never speak again. That all of our dreams are now doomed to. ‘Well…’ Taylor said, sensing that Chris wanted a moment alone with her brother. ‘Sherrie and I might go jump in the shower. I’ll scrub your back if you scrub mine?’ she asked Sherrie. ‘Sounds good to me,’ Sherrie decreed, and Chris and Shaun watched their perky little bottoms run up the stairs. Chris turned to Shaun, and stepped in closer. ‘Are we still okay?’ she asked him, brushing her fingers up and down his forearm. ‘Yeah,’ Shaun told her, frowning at her question. ‘Why wouldn’t we be?’ ‘Well,’ Chris said. ‘Last night, after you… you know, after you came…’ she said, surprised at herself as she blushed a little, ‘you looked at me a bit funny.’ ‘Oh,’ said Shaun — she’d seen that. She’d seen him looking at her, wondering if it was her who blew him. Crap. ‘Uh,’ he said. ‘Um, well, that was because…’ ‘It was because I thought it was you who made me come,’ was his answer, he thought it, but he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t say it to her. She saw it, she saw the answer in his eyes, and.
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