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On another side note, you maybe heard about the princess Hipohnormus. She was known far and wide as the world’s ugliest woman. In fact, she was even more unattractive than her mother. She was so ugly that when her father eventually lost his fortune she made her wealth in a traveling carnival headlining in the side show. Believe it or not with her as the main attraction she drew huge crowds. Those crowds always left the side show tent white faced, scared and shaking. After seeing Hipohnormus at the carnival you can imagine parents all over the land used that fact to keep their kids in line. Hipohnormus’s name was often used as a scare tactic and it wasn’t unusual when kids misbehaved to have a mother threaten the kids by saying if they didn’t quit misbehaving she would call for Hipohnormus to come and make them behave. That usually worked better than telling them they would get feed to a gremlin if they didn’t behave. Back to the story. The self proclaimed wondrous, good looking,. I'm a pig. I'm under no illusions, I know it as well as you do. I'm a big, fat, roly-poly old sow with a big ass and a pair of blubbery jugs on her chest. I always have been, more or less -- even in grade school. Beth knows this, since I passed the majority of the mess on to her and somebody added that godawful lisp to it, but I need to get it out front, here. It made me a pariah, of course...Nothing else was working, so my senior year I started hanging out near the boys' locker room. These days, they probably have video surveillance, but back then nobody gave a damn if some little porker wanted to watch sweaty guys go into the lockers and wet guys come out. I came to know, more or less, when the various sports teams came in and how long it took them generally to get undressed and showered and changed and come out. I defined a nine-minute window when everybody -- even guys who didn't shower -- was going to be inside the locker room doing something or other. And once I was comfortable.
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