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And it doesn't make me feel mixed up inside anymore either. My thinking and emotions are now much more like the woman I probably always was. I've allowed my innermost feelings to come out and they are 100 percent feminine. I can't believe that I had this all bottled up inside me all this time. I should have taken the cue from those boys in first grade. I don't yet have a body to match my inner self. But that is going to change soon too.Brent has really been supportive. He encourages me to dress as a woman as often as I can. I've started electrolysis on my beard and I'm thinking seriously about going to a doctor to get hormone therapy. I may be able to pass in public soon. But that will come in time. What matters now is that Brent enjoys me. I've discovered an entire new world of sexuality with Brent. I'm anxious to get my body aligned with my new self so I can enjoy it even more.I went to see Dr. Stone today to see about getting a prescription for hormones. He was very understanding.. However, I think you should consider this: Standing Bear is a good boy (I nodded agreement.) but he really needs a father and a good role model now that his big brother is gone. Two Knives might have been stupid as far as the twins were concerned, but he was good to his little brother. Poor Standing Bear is having a hard time now, since his brother shamed the family honor. To the Lakota, that was the act of a coward.’ I had been thinking about this a bit, and I wasn’t so sure. I thought he acted more foolishly angry than cowardly. ‘He was no coward – just crazy from his desire for Little Doe. When he saw how things were between us, he probably thought that if he killed me, then as the winner, the twins would be his. And… he wanted Little Doe so much he was not willing to lose. To him, there were no other options. He wasn’t my enemy – he was just a contender for the girls who got lost in his frustration and it cost him.’ Grandpa gave me a look filled with affection and pride as he.
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