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The usual assortment of shit that one might subscribe to in hopes of increasing the odds of winning the $10,000,000 sweepstakes.Mostly I sat there and thought. I could just jump in my car and be home in time to crack that beer and order up a pizza. Turn off the ringer for a couple days to avoid the heat. I felt so edgy. Saturday night! Hey, I should be out having tons of fun with my girlfriend. The problem there being I hadn't had one in so long I was losing track of how many months. But that didn't really seem to define the vagary of my immediate problem. All my attempts to broaden my social circle hadn't brought about any new prospects. That wasn't it. Go to church, Mom kept nagging me, you'll meet lots of nice girls there. Well I went to church this very afternoon. Sure, the bride was pretty cute, but I sort of sensed she was already spoken for.My discomfort was somehow more specific than that. It had to do with the room itself. Then, of course, I realized that I did happen to be. This makes three, Mike. Maybe you should consider a lanyard.”I didn’t want to tell Peter the truth. Rufus had found my lost Smartphone in plain sight on the coffee table. Being the considerate puppy he was, he’d tested it to make sure it was working. Gorilla Glass didn’t live up to its hype; it couldn’t withstand a teething Labrador Retriever.“I’ll think about a lanyard. What’s up?” I asked my fickle assistant.“I got a call. Ryan Reynolds’ agent called. Ryan’s interested in playing Cory in the lead role.”“How the hell are they getting my script? I haven’t even finished it.”There was a guilty silence at the other end.“Peter, stop handing it out!”“But it’s Ryan Reynolds!” he shot back. “Do you have any idea how hot he is right now? We could play Ryan off against Chris and lower the fee.”The sound of silence was loud. “So that’s a ‘no’ for Ryan?” he asked.I sighed. Peter was, despite his recalcitrance, an enthusiastic fan of my work. “Tell the agent we’ll consider it ... WHEN I’ve.
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