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I prided on my disciplined mind, and felt discomfited by the fact that this control, this almost mythical state of being, has become so elusive that it has slipped from my grasp ‘I, uh, well,’ I sighed. ‘Ah, fuck it! I can’t finish anything I start to write.’ ‘Nothing?’ ‘Nothing. I have some snippets, stanzas, and paragraphs, some of them quite brilliant, if I say so myself. But nothing coherent, and nothing complete.’ I actually hung my head when I told you this. ‘Nothing,’ you repeated slowly. I waited. I knew you were digesting everything I told you and, whether I liked it or not, you were going to offer me your opinion, a solution that could help or could come crashing down like a stack of cards. It was perhaps the one thing that frustrates me so about you, but is also somehow oddly endearing. ‘You know what I think?’ Ah, there it is. ‘I think that you need to write something personal.’ ‘Personal?’ ‘Yeah. Everything you write has you distanced. Most of your short stories are in. She had been too shy to ask me herself, so she had come up with the idea of meeting me at the ‘camp out’. She had, I later found out, been molested repeatedly and gotten pregnant by an older cousin, and her parents had taken her for a back alley abortion. Something went wrong, and the operation had left her sterile, but whether it was the botched operation or the experience of being fucked to start with, she had begun to crave sex. She was so plain, though, and poor, and some might say even a bit ugly, that no one had paid much attention to her.At the time, though, all I knew was that she was the best fuck I had had in a long time. I held her close and we napped for a bit, finally waking up about an hour before sunrise. I knew my friend and I had to get back to our tent at his house, and the other boys were starting to get up and head out before Olivia’s parents got up and came out to check on the girls. I hugged and kissed Clara a few more times, and gave her sweet pussy just a few.
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